I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
