I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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