Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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