I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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