I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
