Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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