guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
