If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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