My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
