went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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