i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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