oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
