Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
