I wish I could teleport
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
