do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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