I think I won the penis lottery.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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