I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
