i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
