I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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