I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
not ubering you a puppy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
