Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
