Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
