i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.