Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves