Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!