Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
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My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad