We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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