I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
