No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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