Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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