She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
