He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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