I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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