Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
