My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.