I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"