I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends