I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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