**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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