You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
