hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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