i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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