Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
