If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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