booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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