Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
