it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
