If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade