No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
