I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize