Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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