did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
