There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk is not a location!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
