Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
