So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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