Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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