i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
